I am just about to clock my 26th year. It’s only recently that I realised that I am a quarter way through this life (if I get to 100). For some reason I felt like something important should happen at this age or something important should have already happened. For some reason at this moment in time, I feel like year 25 is a special year. I mean it’s 1/4 of 100.
When I look back, I can’t help but think of all the mistakes I have done and God has graciously sorted me out. I can’t help but see the challenges I have failed to overcome. It’s actually very frustrating. I look back and see all the “almost achievements” I could have had. It honestly feels like 26 years of failure.
But I guess next year at a time like this I will say the same thing about year 27. So I am asking myself what should be my response to what I am going through? How would God want me to deal with times when I look back and all I can see is failure after failure? There are good things I have done, but most times the good always seems to disappear under the shadow of my mistakes. So Vaneyck what good have you done?
How do I measure my success? How relevant am I in this world? I desire to be significant in this world. I want to matter. I want to leave a mark.
Here lies my fault. Do you see it? Do you see where my eyes are turned towards? All this time I am looking at myself. What I have done. What I will do. What I can achieve. But what about God? Where is God in this picture? God is where I put Him. That place where He helps me achieve my goals and when He does I feel warm inside. I don’t know if any of you guys can relate with me on this. I think I have for a long time set standards for myself and beaten myself down for not achieving them. Most times I believe God did not place that requirement on me. Don’t get me wrong. I believe we should set goals, but goals that are aligned with God’s goals.
If there is anyone who has set goals and planned out everything, it is God. He thought of us before we existed. He formed us to the most seemingly insignificant-to-us detail. Wouldn’t this God then have a plan for me? The answer is YES. A resounding YES. If God has a plan for me then it means my life is not irrelevant or insignificant. I am just looking at things wrong. The goal of all life is to make much of God. We are not the main character in this story. If anything we are extras.
I want to try a different prayer this week.
God guide me so that I set and align my goals to what matters most and that is Your goals. You desire to glorify yourself in all of life. To be glorified in my desires, my thoughts, my actions and my relationships. You desire that I make disciples of men and that those men make other disciples. Change me. Lead me. Here I am.